Have you ever noticed that part of you wants to relax, but another part is criticizing you for not doing enough? Or maybe one part of you wants to say “yes” to everyone, while another part feels resentful? These different “parts” are a normal part of being human, and understanding them is the essence of
Internal Family Systems (IFS).
IFS is a gentle, somatic approach to therapy that helps you meet the different parts of yourself, understand their intentions, and build a healthier relationship with them. It’s especially powerful for people who experience anxiety, perfectionism, or people-pleasing, because it helps you see that these traits aren’t problems to “fix”, but rather they’re parts of you trying to keep you safe.
How IFS Works
IFS is a body-centred practice, meaning we start by tuning into the sensations, tension, or energy in the body. Often, clients close their eyes, though some prefer to keep them open. In a typical session, you are guided into a deep, meditative state, almost like a full-body meditation, where the body can speak to you.
We begin by noticing where a part lives in the body. Maybe it’s a tightness in the chest, a flutter in the stomach, or a heavy sensation in the shoulders. From there, we invite the part to share its story: What is it’s roll in your system? What is it trying to protect you from? How is it helping you? What does it need from you?
This dialogue is not about judgment or trying to “fix” anything. Instead, it’s about listening, responding, and building a relationship with your parts. Over time, protective parts, like the inner critic, anxious part, or people-pleaser, can shift from being in control to taking a supportive seat, allowing your Self (your calm, grounded, wise presence) to lead.
My Personal Experience with IFS
I first heard about IFS on a podcast with Richard Schwartz, the founder of the model. He guided a session with the host, and I was blown away by the insights that emerged. I had always believed in the inner child, inner critic, and inner ally, but I didn’t realize how expansive this work could be. Later, I learned that the movie Inside Out is based on IFS, and suddenly everything clicked in a different way for me.
I decided to try IFS with a trained therapist, and one session left a lasting impression. I met a younger part of me carrying the belief that I wasn’t good enough, stemming from a perceived childhood failure. Through the unburdening process, I released this part into the ocean, and the moment I did, I felt a physical shift, like a weight lifted off my body. It felt like I was floating, light, and at peace. This experience didn’t just give me confidence in that moment, but it opened my eyes to the many protective parts that show up in everyday life.
For example, on my first solo travel trip, anxiety kept surfacing, worrying about missing trains, getting lost, or worse. With the awareness I gained through IFS, I recognized this protective part and met it with reassurance, self-soothing, and patience every single day. I reminded it that safety comes from within, inviting it to trust me while I took the lead. That practice of noticing, listening, and guiding my parts was profoundly healing and showed me just how present and active our inner system is in day-to-day life.
IFS in Therapy: How It Helps Clients
Many clients are surprised the first time they learn about their “parts.” Often, they’ve spent years battling inner critics, anxious thoughts, or perfectionist tendencies, believing these voices are who they are. But through IFS, they begin to see these parts as separate from their true Self. That shift alone often brings tears, relief, and a newfound sense of compassion.
As therapy progresses, clients start to notice how these parts show up in daily life. What once felt like constant anxiety becomes recognizable as a protective part doing its best to keep them safe. The inner critic, once harsh and relentless, softens when understood as a voice that developed to push them toward success or belonging. Instead of pushing these parts away, clients learn to meet them with curiosity and care, which naturally creates more balance in the system.
For example, a client might come in feeling frustrated by anxiety that shows up before social events. In an IFS session, they discover that this anxious part is actually a younger version of themselves, a protective part trying to prevent rejection or embarrassment. By meeting it with compassion rather than resistance, they can soothe it, help it feel safe, and gently take the lead again. Over time, this process creates more self-love, confidence, and emotional resilience. And because our relationship with ourselves shapes every other relationship we have, clients often notice improvements in how they connect with others too.
Common Parts I See
In my audience, some of the most common parts are:
- The anxious part
- The perfectionist
- The people-pleaser
- The hyper-independent part
- The part that avoids or numbs
- The drama queen / panicky part
- The humorous or dissociative part
A 3–5 Minute Practice: Befriend a Part of Yourself
Take a few minutes to connect with a part of yourself that shows up often, maybe it’s critical, anxious, or people-pleasing.
Sit comfortably and take a few deep breaths. Feel your body and presence in the room.
Notice a part in or around your body. Where do you feel it? Where does it live? What sensations do you feel? Tightness, fluttering, heaviness, buzzing.
Focus on this part. How does it respond when you put your attention on it? What do you notice about it? Does it have a weight, a texture, a temperature, a colour, etc.?
Check in with curiosity. Silently ask: “What are you trying to do for me? What’s your intention?”
Offer compassion. Thank the part for trying to keep you safe and let it know you see and appreciate its efforts.
Invite dialogue. Ask: “How does it feel doing this job in your system? How long has it been in this role? Does it know how old you are? What does it need to feel supported by you?”
Close with gratitude. Thank the part again. Take a deep breath in, and exhale slowly.
Notice any shifts in your body, heart, or mind. You’ve just taken a step toward befriending your parts, a core IFS practice that builds self-compassion, curiosity, and emotional resilience.
Ready to Explore Your Own Parts? If you’re curious about IFS and how it can help you build more self-compassion, calm anxiety, and soften the inner critic, I’d love to support you. Reach out today to inquire!